Trump has microwaved my Cornetto of hope

I'd say writing comedy about the ever-shifting opinions of Donald Trump, the Speedy Gonzales of on-the-hoof policymaking, is like playing pin the tail on the donkey, but it's unfair on donkeys. No donkey ever sexually assaulted someone in a department store changing cubicle. It's 4.30pm on Wednesday and I'm done. Last week I filed this column on Thursday, and then on Friday DJ Trump and JD Vance beat up Volodymyr Zelenskyy live on TV in the Oval Office to try to grab his minerals, as brazenly as Trump might grab a pussy, like a performatively cruel Tweedledum and Tweedledee in…